fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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