I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
