I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
