did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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