Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
