I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
