why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
