All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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