I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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