If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
