Ketchup is God's man juice
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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