no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
