This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bring me that man meat
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
