JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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