I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize