The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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