I'm so fucking centered right now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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