My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize