I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
