Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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