It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
