I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize