allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
