Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
