OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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