honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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