did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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