Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
