I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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