If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Life is so much better after having sex.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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