im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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