Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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