I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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