You're a womanizer and a bitch.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My dick has a subreddit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
