Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
