Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize