somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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