i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
