If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
