So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
