yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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