im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize