If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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