how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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