why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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