Your face is a jimmy john
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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