can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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