I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
