If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
