he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize