i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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