I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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