Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
