I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
