well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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