So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
