I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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