Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
