I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
