This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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