Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
