her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
