When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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