I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
