i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm always down for nudity.
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