I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
