He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize