Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
